A beneficial breath

That year, we were to celebrate our fortieth wedding anniversary. Bernard, my husband, died before, following a stroke, at only 65 years old. I was devastated. Who was present at the funeral? I would not know how to say it. I spent the year 2013 as if in a half-dream. What I only remember is feeling the need to go back to church, because Bernard and I had gotten into the bad habit of watching Sunday mass on television. I first went discreetly to the last row, to get closer to the altar as the months went by. This is what allowed me to gradually emerge from this permanent daze.

I even joined the choir! Even when I was little, religious songs upset me. With this choir, I sang one day for the funeral of a deceased person I did not know. It was a year after Bernard’s burial, in the same church… I’m still upset about it. I observed with emotion the celebrants blessing the coffin of this deceased person, anonymous to me. “How strong are they!” » I said to myself internally. I admired their service, while feeling incapable of it. In their place, I would have collapsed.

However, at the end of the funeral, I was as if pushed by a beneficial breath, which encouraged me to answer a call. I too wanted to celebrate a funeral. My faith had been buried deep within me, but not extinguished. Unfortunately, it had taken a moment of pain for her to be revived.

Today, I have been carrying out my mission for nine years. My faith continues to grow thanks to these intense “encounters” that I experience with the deceased. “How can you like celebrating funerals?” » asks those around me. By praying for them, I have the feeling of accompanying the deceased, of supporting them in this painful ordeal. I remind them internally that God is love. We must continue to hope. It may be strange, but sadness no longer takes over my heart when I’m at a funeral. I even feel joy at seeing a faithful person joining the Lord. Today, moreover, when I am in church, I constantly feel Bernard’s presence. I even feel like I spend more time with him than before! He was an engineer, and therefore often on the move. Feeling him near me gives me energy in everyday life.