Lyhanna affair: when parents’ confidence wavers

At 5 years old, we make short, effective sentences, “I’m hungry”, or “No, I don’t want to”. Adults have a hard time decoding this language, which is sometimes tinged with a disturbing mystery. Alice, mother of two children near Clermont-Ferrand (Puy-de-Dôme), testifies: “One day, while I was helping my daughter wash after school, I noticed a small sore on her private parts. I asked her how it happened and she innocently replied, “I don’t know.” »

In a state of alert, the young woman made an appointment with a doctor to understand the origin of the wound. The diagnosis was reassuring, as was the child’s behavior. But for Alice, how can we not imagine the worst?

In recent years, waves of free speech have revealed the extent of violence committed against minors. According to the historic report of the Independent Commission on Incest and Sexual Violence Against Children (Ciivise), in 2023, two to three students per class would be victims of sexual violence.

Staggering figures, which confront parents with a challenge: protecting children without poisoning their lives with a multitude of anxieties. “And we cannot blame their concern,” observes Anne Raynaud, child psychiatrist and founder of the Parenting Institute. Reality legitimizes this feeling. »

“I trust my instincts”

Cases break out one after another, making headlines. In November 2025, the justice system announced 15 ongoing investigations into acts of sexual assault committed against children in nursery schools in Paris. On June 1, Jérôme B., 41, was placed in pre-trial detention for kidnapping, sequestration and murder of little Lyhanna, 11, in Gers. These two cases highlight the flaws in our society in protecting children. They also plunge some families into paranoia.

Parents whose The Pilgrim collected the testimonies are aware that the attacker can be someone close to them, such as a leader who takes care of an after-school activity or a neighbor who looks after the little ones for an evening. According to a recent complaint, Jérôme B., targeted by at least nine proceedings, allegedly took advantage of his daughter’s sleepover to attack a child.

So, should we prohibit pre-teens from going to sleep at their friends’ houses? “I don’t want to deprive my daughters of these good times and I want them to feel free, so I trust my instinct to make my choices,” explains Agathe, mother of Inès, 8 years old, and Diane, 6 years old, in Annecy (Haute-Savoie). If the dad who looks after them lives alone, no. » Like Agathe, most of the parents interviewed are more anxious when the entourage is male. Rightly so: in 2021, those accused of sexual violence against minors were 95% men, according to INSEE.

To gain peace of mind, many do not hesitate to use monitoring tools. “My 10-year-old eldest has to take the train to Paris and she will benefit from an adult chaperone during her trip,” says Laureen, mother of four children in Spézet (Finistère). I bought him a small electronic device (which can locate its owner, editor’s note). This will allow me to follow his journey. »

The practice may seem astonishing to older people but it is commonplace for younger people. In 2022, 41% of parents said they had already used software to spy on their children on social networks or geolocate them, according to an Ipsos survey. In our society saturated with anxiety-provoking information and injunctions for perfect parenthood, the family tends to withdraw into itself.

Result: sociologists note that children are less independent and travel alone less often than in the past. This can pose problems for their physical and mental health, their ability to socialize or even their sensitivity to nature, according to a report from the High Family Council in 2024.

Vigilance without fear

But fear of the outside world sometimes obscures a more complex reality. In reality, the danger often comes from within, and the aggressor takes on the characteristics of the father or cousin. According to the Ministry of the Interior, 31% of sexual violence against minors occurred within the family in 2025. For Ciivise, the percentage would be even higher: 47% for those under 15 years old. “It wasn’t easy but I explained to my two daughters and my son that they had to talk to me if someone hurt them, even their beloved grandfather or uncle,” confides Julie, who lives in Angers (Maine-et-Loire). It seemed important to me to warn them that danger can come from anywhere. »

It’s not easy, in fact, to teach children vigilance without transmitting our fears to them. It’s also not easy to help them build themselves in a world that has its share of ugliness… and hidden beauty. “It’s tricky to tell my sons not to go into the unknown,” emphasizes Stessie, mother of two boys aged 2 and 6 in Sainte-Foy (Vendée). In life, we grow by meeting others. »

For Alexandre*, a 34-year-old father who lives in Rouen, it is the question of the future sports club that is emerging. He finds it important that his twins, Marius* and Louis*, 4 years old, can exercise and grow in a team sport. He and his wife, both doctors, are preparing to make room in their busy schedules to get involved and follow their children’s matches. They hope to spend precious time with them… And to deter predators from approaching them.

Listening, a determining factor

Child protection movements call for rebuilding broader trust around children. This requires better listening to their words, but also through institutions capable of identifying and processing alerts when a minor is in danger.

“The most important thing for a child is to know that his parents are available and ready to listen to him,” says child psychiatrist Anne Raynaud. You must try to be as close as possible to your child so that he can more easily report a situation that would make him uncomfortable. This climate is the most determining. » So that we finally understand the sometimes summary or mysterious language of little ones.

* First names have been changed.