“My mother doesn’t want to get help”

“My mother doesn’t want to get help”

The point of view of Marcel Rufo, child psychiatrist

How can you not understand the distress of your mother, who lost her husband and a son in quick succession? Faced with her obstinacy, in your place, Marjolaine, I would highlight the vital danger to which she is exposed: “Listen mom, the current situation cannot continue. My brother and I are worried. You fall regularly, due to your dizziness, and there is a risk of an accident happening to you. You should go to a retirement home. »

No doubt Annie will refuse this proposal, but you can move forward: “Then accept the assistance of a housekeeper and the arrival of nurses. This organization would allow you to remain at home and would reassure us. » This solution will probably not trigger his enthusiasm either. Also, plan a third: “Mom, you could get closer to one of us. Of course, this assumes that you move but that way we would surround you. » This scenario has undeniable advantages on a practical level, but also on a psychological level for her who tends to withdraw.

This variation of solutions, from the most radical to the most empathetic, will allow you, I hope, to make your arguments heard while expressing all your affection to your mother.

Encourage external support

Dear Marjolaine, your mother suffers from extreme loneliness and refuses to call on outside help. What if support came to her? Associations such as JALMALV (Until Death Accompany Life), Living Your Mourning or Dialogue and Solidarity as well as certain parishes have teams trained to listen and help those in mourning. Could a loved one, like his doctor or a neighbor, be by his side in this first step?


Organize a stay at home

Hello Marjolaine, if you consider your mother to be quite physically fit, why not invite her to spend a few days with you or your brother? Sometimes, getting out of your daily life and your home full of painful memories allows you to regain a taste for simple things. This stay could allow you to express your distress and help him to see his current and future situation with different eyes.


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