My son is risking his job for his children: should I be worried?
Letter of the week
My 43 year old son is the father of two children aged 11 and 13. He takes care of them a lot, but maintains a relationship with them as a friend and not as a father. His children come before his work and that’s what worries me. Recently, when he had to work remotely, he was asked to participate in an on-site meeting. He refused on the grounds that he had to make them lunch. I’m afraid he’ll get fired and his wife will have a hard time if that happens. Can I take the liberty of talking to him about it? Jacqueline
THE POINT OF VIEW OF MARCEL RUFO, PEDOPSYCHIATRIST
Your letter reflects the fairly usual situation of new fathers who intend to participate in the education of their children.
Obviously, his job does not impose an absolute obligation on your son to be present. And perhaps the couple he forms with your daughter-in-law has already agreed on this modus operandi; perhaps they calculated that this distribution of roles was more financially interesting…
You could check this, Jacqueline, by consulting your daughter-in-law. If she is not satisfied with the situation, you can arrange a three-way meeting to talk about it, arguing with your son that the dysfunction of a couple has an impact on the children. You do not specify how you became aware of the matter. This proves at the very least that your son is not very interested in his job. If he is the one who tells you about it, he will send you a message.
What about your husband’s relationship with his work? Perhaps your son is compensating for something that made him suffer? You are right in any case to ask this question which concerns you and your intervention can only be beneficial.
