Sexual violence: how to listen to children’s words

“Mom, is it normal to always have a stomach ache? » To the question from her daughter, barely 3 years old, Sarah (1) did not know how to answer. Stomach aches, urinary infections, vomiting were recurring for his little one. Without his attending physician detecting the cause. One day, the little girl said: “When daddy makes me take the shower, he hurts my kitty. » He must not measure his strength, Sarah thought of her ex-partner.

Shortly after these seemingly innocuous sentences, the little girl said again: “Daddy, when he showers me, he puts his finger deep in my pussy and it hurts. » Her private parts were red. And it wasn’t the first time. “I kept my calm. I stood at her level and asked her if she agreed to talk to the doctor about it. »

She will repeat everything to him, as well as to the police officer who will interview her. “I was hoping the dad would admit his brutality, but he denied everything. I then understood that it was serious. In twenty-four hours, I lost 5 kg. » Shocked, Sarah was able to mobilize resources to react. But she had to fight against the image she had of her daughter’s father. “Of course he hadn’t been nice to me, but I clung to the fact that he hadn’t been violent. »

Enduring the shock of the revelation

For her part, Céline (1) felt herself being “doubled” when Hugo (1), 4 and a half years old, announced without preamble during the family dinner that a host was “slapping his penis and buttocks”. “At this moment, inside me, there is the one who knows that we must listen to and believe children. That this violence exists. And the one who can’t hear what her son just said. Who can’t believe this happened to him. Then, a voice calls me to order. I cautiously engage in dialogue. I want to be there for him, but I have to manage my distress at the same time. »

It was only the next day, after a discussion with another mother, that Céline fully understood the significance of her son’s words. “I took a pillow and screamed into it. » The dad had understood the day before: Hugo’s attitude betrayed that he had not invented anything. And how much this revelation had cost him.

The children are talking. They have always done it, assures Édouard Durand, judge and co-president of the Independent Commission on Incest and Sexual Violence Against Children (Ciivise) from 2021 to 2023. But the victims, and especially those who have suffered sexual abuse, face denial. “A massive, powerful, ancient, rooted, structured and structuring denial, even,” wrote the magistrate in 160,000 children (Ed. Gallimard).

This centuries-old denial has infiltrated homes into educational, social and judicial institutions, and partly blinds the population. However, these attacks are widespread and continually increasing. In 2025, 114,500 minors suffered abuse, or more than 10% compared to 2024. And 76,200 were attacked or raped (2). A figure that the Civil Society has estimated at 160,000 minors per year. “Probably more.” At least one child every three minutes,” specifies Judge Durand.

This reality, illuminated by the Independent Commission on Sexual Abuse in the Church (Ciase) from 2021, Ciivise, associations defending children’s rights and the headlines of the media, is making its way through people’s minds. Upset, part of civil society is demanding new attention for the approximately 14 million under 18s.

But change is hard to come by. And the abuse continues, the minimization, the trivialization, the refusal to admit it and the “silence” too. According to the Civil Society, almost one in two confidants do nothing about the confessions received (3). Also, when a child speaks, even if he is protected, and if the case is brought before a court, court decisions rarely turn out in his favor.

One in six complaints for rape or sexual assault of a minor results in the conviction of the attacker. One in ten in cases of incest (3). In July 2026, an after-school leader was released after nine toddlers aged 3 to 5 had accused him of sexual assault. On the grounds, in particular, according to The World, that the children quickly found it difficult to recall the details of the gestures.

Adapt the support

In fact, adults’ expectations turn out to be inappropriate. “We ask little ones to give a constructed, supported, precise speech even though they do not have the cognitive capacity to do so. We want reliable testimony from 4-year-old children when they do not yet know how to find their way in time,” explains the D^D Mélanie Dupont, psychologist at the medical-judicial unit of the Hôtel-Dieu, in Paris, and president of the association Against violence against minors.

“The image of a miniature human being, incompetent, incapable, persists. What he says will in fact be discredited. Furthermore, depending on the nature of the violence, the number of events reported, and the temporality, children are not believed in the same way. » This specialist also believes that the shadow of the Outreau affair (first trial in 2004) still looms large.

Joëlle Sicamois, director of the Foundation for Children, joins her. “We often use this example to argue that children invent. But they did not lie: they experienced the violence described, and the reality was so unbearable that they could not deliver it as it was. This is often what happens with children. »

So, how can we facilitate the expression of young people? Joëlle Sicamois notes a damaging inconsistency. “How do we want a little one who is told “You listen, you obey” to say when faced with something difficult “I will say it, I will be listened to”? On the contrary, we must instill in him from an early age that his words have value. No more than that of the neighbor but no less. »

Gwenaëlle Durand, general secretary of the National Union of Nurses and Health Educators (Snies-Unsa) thinks that a reassuring place and an identified person can help. In 2025, National Education was the source of 88,000 worrying reports, making it the first institution to sound the alarm.

But, in nursery and primary school, the school nurse often just passes by. It is thanks to his visits, his activities around oral hygiene, sleep, education in relational and emotional life that toddlers end up identifying this caring figure. “Through simple ideas, adapted to their age, such as the fact that no one has the right to touch their body, a student can understand that they are enduring something abnormal and express discomfort. We can then intervene and bring him to safety,” explains Gwenaëlle Durand.

These professionals know how to decipher weak signals. “A child does not verbalize in the same way depending on his development. He can extend poles, it’s up to us to grab them. » Not easy, when only 7,800 nurses are responsible for 12 million children, all levels combined. The 100 additional positions for 2027 promised by the Prime Minister on September 15, 2026 should hardly change the situation.

Facilitate expression

Listening to the words of a little one can also be learned. On the side of the police and the justice system, initiatives have emerged. In 2021, Anne Marion de Cayeux, lawyer, created the first child auditor diploma at the Catholic University of Lille, intended in particular for lawyers in child and family law. Five promotions have already completed the course.

At the end, many men and women of the law admitted “that they had been wrong in their practice for twenty years. They realize that they were directive, that they analyzed everything with their adult eye… It takes these hundred and five hours of continuing training to lead this profound change in behavior,” reports Anne Marion de Cayeux.

Among the methods taught in this training, the American Nichd interview protocol, developed from 1996 and revised in 2018. It is based on a variation of psychotrauma data and is aimed at 4-12 year olds.

At the Bordeaux Juvenile Office, David, one of the thirteen investigators, uses it. “If my training in hearing the minor witness, the child victim, has made me gain confidence by giving me tools and levers to face all these delicate situations, the Nichd protocol offers me a structured interview guide. Thanks to open questions encouraging discussion, it also allows me to bounce back. »

A step forward welcomed by the victims or their loved ones. But not all police officers and gendarmes have this basis. According to the July 2026 report of the parliamentary commission of inquiry into the judicial treatment of incest and protective parents, since the creation in France of Nichd protocol training in 2016, 1,032 police officers and 2,135 gendarmes have been trained. That is 3,167 people, for last year, 139,744 minors under the age of 15 were victims of physical or sexual violence.

Handle complaints

For many parents, associations and experts, listening, collecting and processing these words is a lottery. For a victim, it would be necessary to find the attentive ear of an adult, then that of an investigator trained to interview them in one of the 365 Mélanie rooms – a welcoming room, with cameras to limit interrogations – located in a police station, in a family protection center (MPF), in a pediatric reception unit for children in danger (Uaped) or in a medicojudicial unit (UMJ). Then, that his complaint is correctly and quickly handled.

However, the Lyhanna affair revealed the extent of the dysfunctions in legal procedures. The victim would still have to be seen by a forensic doctor, a psychologist, in one of the 51 UMJ or 154 Uaped in the territory, if the staff allows for daily consultations there.

Finally, to be defended by an efficient lawyer and heard by a judge free of any preconceptions about the admissibility of the words of this population. That’s a lot of boxes to check. “In the territory, there is great heterogeneity. Currently, there is neither equality of opportunity nor fairness of justice, deplores Mélanie Dupont. However, the measures are deployed and the view of the child and the violence committed against him is changing favorably. »

But such a reversal takes time. And a budget of several billions. Also, for Joëlle Sicamois, “childhood should be a national priority. This is a social choice.” Of a society that would finally view the most vulnerable as beings in their own right.

1. The first name has been changed.
2. Source: Ministry of the Interior.
3. Ciivise Report, 2023.