Why matrimonial agencies again appeal to the era of meeting apps

A reproduction of the table Kiss him from Klimt above the office, a book Dear celibacy, I leave you! Obviously on a coffee table … on the 6th floor of a Nantes building, the tone is set: we come in this office to find love, the real one. In the center of the city of the Dukes, David and Elphie hold a Unicis agency, the main French franchise on romantic encounters. A thousand people, estimates David, come to find out each year, for 700 registered – from the farmer to the CEO. And, recently, recently, some of its customers are under the age of 30.

Did you think they disappeared? Error: matrimonial agencies are always very active. The legislation adopted at the end of the 1980s to supervise matrimonial activity and the rise of free dating sites certainly translated as skimming and with around 400 pharmacies identified to date, we are far from the 1,300 which sprinkled in France in 1989. But “the consumer won a lot as performance”, indicates Gilbert Liard, President of the National Order of Human Relations, main union of the profession.

After his divorce, ten years ago, Adrien (his first name was changed), an executive in the fortnight in Paris, first used the dating applications: “I went there to cross this unpleasant moment of life. But many messages remain unanswered, which can be psychologically destructive. “It has been all the more back since he shares the unanimous feeling of customers and professionals: it seems more difficult to” meet someone “today. A few weeks ago, Adrien signed at Valérie Bruat, an independent dating agent for twenty-three years, recently specialized in supporting men looking for serious relationships.

Security guarantee

The service offered has been considerably professional: “Dating agent is a real job, not a simple fun activity, and it has evolved since I started”, insists Valérie Bruat. Thus, it has trained in neurolinguistic programming to help its customers go beyond their possible blockages and works with a specialist in the cognitive and behavioral approach in order to better understand their operating methods. The agencies with a storefront also represent a guarantee of security: “My customers expect me that I filter the meetings and assess the seriousness of the candidates,” says Valérie Périnelle, director of an independent agency in Auvergne-Rhône-Alpes. In general, any new customer must provide proof of his celibacy (act of widowhood, divorce, declaration on honor), provide his identity papers as well as income support.

In Nantes, at David and Elphie, the integration and support of customers follow a specific protocol: first an interview of one and a half hours with David, then the information of an informative sheet. It is then Elphie who takes care of matching the profiles. After which, responsible for interested parties to briefly contact by phone, to agree on a first appointment. Throughout the process, Elphie follows her members by phone. It is also this support that is sought: “I am not there only to present people, but also to help them reflect on themselves, and sometimes put them back in motion after several disappointments”, testifies Valérie Périnel.

Amazing choice, a priori, to turn to a paying service,, Who presents the customer only one person at a time, while dating applications offer hundreds of profiles per day for free. “These technologies give the illusion that a life partner can be found as easily as ordering sushi,” points out David. However, we are now talking about “dating fatigue”, that is to say weariness to chain the disappointing meetings.

Beyond the criteria

For Adrien, “applications take into account the criteria that do not count for me and do not integrate those who matter to me, such as political opinion or the vision of the world”. In fact, most of them indicate requirements of age, size, weight, religion. But from one Catholic to another, for example, there is sometimes a world that a simple checked box does not allow to assess.

This is where the finesse of the agent comes into play. “Of course, my clients have expectations, sometimes completely unrealistic, and we discuss it to return to reality. We can fall in love with a person who does not exactly meet our requirements. On the sites, if the other does not check everything, we zap. In real life, when you like a person, you don’t check if they are the right size. The role of agencies is also to show the customer that he can be wrong about what will make him happy, ”analyzes Valérie Bruat. “It’s a paradoxical job,” says David. We ask the customer the profile he wishes to meet, while assuming to present him with people who do not absolutely correspond. “An approach confirmed by the marital councilor Domitille Desrousseaux:” In attraction, an unconscious and irrational part plays.

Govering to conscious and rational criteria, by depriving oneself of natural spontaneity, is very limiting. One meeting at a time, and in real life – sometimes with several weeks of waiting before offering two “profiles” to get in touch: in these agencies, the photos are not broadcast before the first appointment. “So many sensitive perceptions are awakening during a meeting,” emphasizes Valérie Périnel, who hold the voice, the smell, the aura of the person and the photos would spoil. »With all this, what results? Impossible to encrypt precisely of course, since a trained couple can get rid of after a few years. In Nantes, David and Elphie claim 70 % of customers as a couple after one year of membership. For Valérie Bruat, the estimate is 85 %.

The approach remains a bet: to a sometimes expensive subscription responds to an obligation of means, not of result. “Agents are not magicians and members remain the main actors. We also have the honesty not to register someone who we see that we will not have anyone to present to them because he is not in the right arrangements, ”explains David lucidity. A guarantee of wisdom for Domitille Desrousseaux: “Agents can have very beautiful intuitions, but there is only the person himself who can decide if someone corresponds to him. By being accompanied, it is not a question of giving up his discernment. If, for Adrien, the weather is not yet on the balance sheet, the one fired by David and Elphie is more than positive: ten years ago, it was by an agency that the couple met.