advice from Marcel Rufo

The point of view of Marcel Rufo, child psychiatrist

It seems to me that you could invite your son to put his criticisms on paper. It would be in your interest to respond in writing, taking the time to think about it. This way you would avoid rushing Simon.

Start by accepting the validity of some of his criticisms. “Indeed, we were not adequate… We could have done it differently…” This initial point of agreement would begin a sincere discussion. Why this resignation? How is your son coping with his separation? In these aspects, his sister is a valuable point of support. Not only can she enlighten you, but she is also better placed than you to support her brother in a desirable therapeutic approach. Your son may have gone through a depressive phase. She would tell him: “I don’t think you’re doing well. If you consulted, I would like to be by your side. » Confiding in her allows Simon to reveal his fragility to her without feeling judged.

The whole challenge is for you to agree to rebuild, with your son Simon, a relationship on new foundations. This requires a change of outlook that is difficult for parents to make and takes time. But it is possible, because you seem ready for a real dialogue.