How do funeral professionals live their job?

As All Saints’ Day approaches, the phone of Denis Frelat, in Saint-Gemme-en-Sancerrois and that of Lucie Bouzard, in Lyon, does not stop ringing. With his wife Anne, Denis Frelat is the boss of a family funeral company. “The most important thing is the relationship with people,” he insists. We are not just a company. Here, in the countryside, we know the families we meet in many circumstances. There is a climate of trust which is very important.”

In Lyon, Lucie Bouzard is responsible for the Service Catholique des Funérailles agency, an association providing funeral services born in the diocese of Paris. A practicing Catholic, the young woman sees her profession as a service to all in the name of the Church.

Support “at a sensitive moment in the life of a family”

All three underline this word: accompany. He describes their experience in contact with families and their deceased. “We are present at a sensitive moment in the life of a family and for one to two weeks, we enter into their privacy,” says Lucie Bouzard. Anne Frelat strives to “feel the point at which people are most in distress” as well as to “adapt to their choices within the framework of legality”.

They are aware that their professional commitment to families “allows them to begin the work of mourning”. For their part, they enjoy meeting different people. “People are the basis of this profession,” they emphasize. A job that has made them develop the qualities of listening, respect and patience.

The path of the living and the path of the deceased

From the death, the deceased and their families begin a parallel journey during which they will be separated then reunited – during a time of contemplation near the body, at the closing of the coffin, during the farewell ceremony – until the handing over of the ashes or burial. Funeral professionals support this dual journey.

On the side of the deceased, after the death has been confirmed, his body is transferred by the driver-porters to the mortuary room of the hospital or to a funeral home. It is prepared there by embalmers for the meeting with relatives. It is “the dignity of the deceased person” that is at stake, explains Denis Frelat. His wife emphasizes how important this last image of the body, as beautiful as possible, is for loved ones: “It’s their first step in mourning.”

If there is burial work, marble workers begin to prepare the grave. At the Frelat funeral directors, Denis, the boss, still gives his employees a helping hand at each of these stages.

As for the families, Anne Frelat and Lucie Bouzard are their contacts as funeral advisors. They receive them and organize the funeral process with them. They coordinate the different stakeholders – “the links in a chain”, says Lucie – contact the hospitals and town halls concerned, manage administrative questions.

“Our society puts death too far away, to the point of sometimes wanting to deny it”

The three professionals help families prepare farewell ceremonies; they are present when they are held in church; they animate them when they take place in another setting.

“The rites evolve. We do a lot more civil ceremonies. There are new practices too, like writing on the coffin,” describes Denis Frelat. “Our society puts death too far away, to the point of sometimes wanting to deny it,” analyzes Lucie Bouzard.

However, everyone sees to what extent this funeral process, in the space of ten to fifteen days, can help loved ones to live. “The support offered makes it possible to establish a sort of distance between the deceased and them,” explains Denis. Without forgetting the dead, we cannot live with them.

Lucie shares a conviction: “Legally, we have 14 days to prepare the funeral. But everything is moving quickly today. However, it is possible to help the family take the time. Take the time to listen to yourself, to talk about the deceased. Take the time to feel what others are to us. This is all so important.”

A vocational profession

““It’s necessary…” That’s often the reaction when people say they work in funeral homes!” All three have experienced it. But their job intrigues and questions: “How do you cope with people’s suffering?” “The emotion is there, especially when it’s people you know,” says Anne Frelat.

Lucie Bouzard emphasizes the importance of life balance and also notes that her faith has strengthened since working as a funeral counselor: “We see death with our eyes. We sometimes encounter difficult situations, but I believe that there is a communion that is created between earth and sky.”

Denis Frelat likes to answer questions about his job by saying: “It’s not a profession like any other. You can come there through the circumstances of life but you don’t stay there by chance: it’s a bit of a vocation.”