I’m not alone!

My husband died in July 2005. He wanted to be buried in a village in Provence where we had our usual vacations. One of our daughters also lived in the area. In February 2006, I was supposed to go with her, pregnant and close to term, to choose my husband’s funeral stele from a marble worker, but the appointment was postponed and fixed precisely for the week in which she was due to give birth… The prospect of going alone did not rejoice me. On Monday, my daughter went to the maternity ward where they told her: your baby is too high, you have to drive. So here I am with her, driving for miles for the baby to come down… And we were able to go and choose the stele together. For me, it was a sign that God had not left me alone. It was the first time I realized that I had not been forgotten by the Lord.

Previously, I was already experiencing these little moments of providence but without realizing it. I didn’t question God’s faithfulness: I simply wasn’t aware of it. So I thanked him too little. Since then, I have recognized many other signs of His presence and love for me. These are very concrete elements that make me say: “I am not alone. » This first experience also released recognition and joy in me. Now, even for something that seems normal, I say “thank God,” because it might not be. I am almost constantly in thanksgiving; and if an annoyance arises, I say to myself: “It doesn’t matter.”

Thinking back, a Gospel echoes this experience: it is a passage that one of my granddaughters had chosen for my husband’s funeral. “Father, Lord of heaven and earth, I proclaim your praise: what you have hidden from the wise and learned, you have revealed to little ones” (Luke 10:21). This word from Jesus touches me a lot because, more and more, I feel small compared to God. It’s a reality that I’m becoming increasingly aware of. God loves us, we exist but, without him, we are ultimately nothing. In our smallness, he does not leave us alone; in this littleness, he does not leave me alone.