Testimony of faith. “Go, don’t worry”

In 2016, exhausted by fifteen years of psychological pressure from my husband, I divorce. I am exhausted, as shipwrecked, lost in the middle of the ocean, but I have to hold on for my two children. God ? But where is it then? Little by little from the church, I no longer want to hear about it. My parents, long committed to the Catholic workers’ action, have continued to support me, but now the tests are raining on them. My mom, after cancer, has Alzheimer’s and dies. During the preparation of the funeral, my daughter, 10, learns that her granny has long been a catechist: “Mom, why don’t you want to teach the cat, as a granny?” I want to make my first communion. But I am angry with God. At the funeral, surprisingly, I feel worn. Likewise, when a month later you diagnose cancer to my father. Mixed feelings live me: “Rebelote, the blows rain”, and yet, I taste a great peace.

While Papa stays in bed for a year, I become aware of the love that united her to my mother, and her great faith. We talk about it: “Believe in God, pray for me. – My prayer is not much. – If, pray. I pray. In summer, doctors are considering a heavy operation. Together, we rather choose to go to Portugal one last time, its country of origin. Very weak, he asks to go to Fatima, the great Marian sanctuary. In overwhelming heat, he wants to join the chapel of the appearances on foot, in Grand-Péine, however. During his heart to heart with Mary and Jesus, back, I too pray. Back home, Dad comes into palliative care. The day before his death, without responding to my “see you tomorrow”, he dismissed me: “Go, don’t worry. »»

From then on, the strength that has brought me for a year no longer leaves me. As if my father had deposited his faith in me. It’s back to school. At the parish, I take charge of a level of Catella – CM2 – where my daughter will be. The Gospel shared every day on the WhatsApp group of catechists speaks to me. The beautiful encounters accumulate. I engage in the support of refugee mothers with their child, in the pastoral animation team, etc. The mind carries me. At work, colleagues ask me: “Where do you find the energy?” I answer: “In my faith. »»