In 2017, I joined the order of Discalced Carmelites reserved for lay people. I am starting spiritual accompaniment with a Carmelite brother. Very quickly, he valued me by telling me that I have high intellectual potential. His then intrusive, psychoanalytic approach does not suit me.
It then evolves: he nourishes me with Saint John of the Cross, and thus gains my esteem and my trust, which he nourishes with personal confidences and the posture of an understanding and attentive brother. While a health problem deprives me of a Carmelite retreat, he argues that “it is an attempt by the Evil One to prevent me from moving forward”.
Later, he goes so far as to tell me that I am a victim of “satanic possession”. This announcement is apocalyptic for me! His status as a spiritual guide does not allow me to doubt what he says. Believing myself possessed, I lose all self-confidence and think that the only person I can trust and who can help me is my companion. “There’s no point talking to your husband about it, he can’t understand,” he whispers to me. The noose is tightening…
The day comes when he asks me to meet an exorcist with whom he used to work. The sessions turn into a nightmare. The intrusive and inappropriate questions resume.
This exorcist and a naturopath who assists him bombard me with speeches mixing Satanism and conspiracy. I sink to the point of trying to end my life.
In 2019, the Carmelite brother stopped all his accompaniments on the orders of his provincial. Then he was moved to another convent, officially for health reasons.
In 2020, the exorcist priest had his ministry withdrawn and was sent back to his original diocese due to complaints. I then gradually became aware of the seriousness of what I experienced, and the harmfulness of these people.
I took the matter to canonical justice. The Carmelite brother was punished before finally being absolved. Yet the spiritual wound remains a gaping wound in my soul that nothing will heal. I had an immense thirst for God. My spiritual guide should have helped me walk towards Him. He distanced me from it and turned me away.