These digital intrusions that weaken our social ties

That evening, Madeline finds a bunch of friends over a drink. Pints ​​are placed on the table next to smartphones. The space of a second, one of the screens lights up, indicating the arrival of a notification (warning appearing on the home screen). Instantly, Clara’s gaze, to whom the device belongs, is attracted. Aspired by this little digital universe, here it seems far away. She did not return to the conversation until a few minutes later.

The episode is repeated several times over the evening. Madeline and her friends are victims of a phenomenon that has become common: “technofference”. This neologism was invented in 2014 by the researcher in family psychology Brandon McDaniel, to designate the interruptions of the interactions of “real life” by connected objects.

An accumulation of applications

The arrival of the Internet on phones, about fifteen years ago, resulted in a flood of solicitations. According to Rémy Oudghiri, director of the Socio -Vocivision Sociological Institute (IFOP Group), “76 % of French people, of all generations, are annoyed by these technoferencing. And, now, we have trouble being in the present moment, to focus on a conversation at a time. »»

There are a thousand and one reason to be interrupted by his smartphone. In recent years, on our mobile screens, applications have accumulated. “Whatsapp groups, emails, messages, bank …” Loïc list, teacher in primary class. “We can do everything on it!” He sums up. During consultations with his colleagues or in recess, he got into the habit of taking out his phone, to advance in his personal tasks. Even if he knows that it can hinder other people.

Lose the thread of reality

For Loïc, it’s a choice. But consulting your laptop can become a quasi-compliance. Instantanity is a source of pressure. It is necessary to respond quickly to such a message so that his sender does not upset himself, do not miss such information to stay informed. “Many people find it difficult to disconnect because they feel subject to a feeling of urgency,” notes Rémy Oudghiri. In class, Loïc must also remain attentive to his smartphone, as the potential “intrusions alerts” arrive by a WhatsApp channel. The work burst into laptops, making the detachment even more difficult.

Notifications that invade

Madeline thus returns to this evening with Clara, so often plunged into her smartphone. “It is as if she said to me:” You are less important than my Instagram notification. “We feel alone in front of ourselves,” quips the young woman. “You want to have a good time with a friend and, in the end, she is not really present,” she deplores more seriously. “These incidents are hurtful, especially when they interrupt secrets. Once the other has turned away, it is difficult to return to the same intensity in the exchange. Some people are more sensitive than others to these ruptures in the communication thread. “This lack of attention is even more badly perceived if you already feel insecure emotional insecurity with the other,” notes Marie Danet, researcher in psychology specializing in digital uses.

So what to do? When she won her first post in a start-up incubator, Camille felt “immersed, invaded by notifications”. Messageries, laptops and social networks both personal and professional … “I was over-collicated, I lost the quality of my link with others,” she recalls. She then took radical measures: “I deleted all the application notifications, apart from messages and calls. In the morning and in the evening, I put my laptop in “Do not disturb” mode (Read box) She explains. “It may seem a little drastic, but I don’t believe in self -regulation. The attraction of the screen is stronger than us. »»

It is not enough to be aware of the risk to drop out, as applications and their multiple reminders are designed to capture our attention. “Sometimes, during the meal, my white wife or I are simply looking to verify information related to our discussion, then we open our notifications … and we get carried away by our phone,” recognizes Augustin, father of three.

Regulation strategies

In families and in couples too, finding a fair balance can be delicate. Augustin and Blanche, tired of scroll (Scrolling content on a computer screen with their finger) on their smartphones just before sleeping, took the situation in hand. Now, no more laptops, but crosses words. Juliette and her husband have realized that they often consult the social networks during the moments devoted to children. A few months ago, they decided to store their phones from the school out to bedtime.

Like them, after a big decade subject to the noise of notifications, those who grew up with adopting regulation strategies. “45 % of 25-34 year olds, time limits on social networks won,” said Rémy Oudghiri. According to him, we live a “pivotal moment”, when the stake is no longer so much to follow the flow of information conveyed by notifications as to find solutions to master technology and preserve the quality of our relationships. An essential awareness.