what seniors say

From its epicenter, the Vaucluse criminal court in Avignon, the earthquake which swallowed up fifty years of Gisèle Pelicot’s life spreads throughout society. The intimate drama of this wife sedated by her husband to rape her and hand her over to more than 70 strangers between the ages of 59 and 68, brought to the surface in conversations notions that until then had been little commented on: chemical submission, rape culture , marital rape, consent…

Realities that do not resonate in the same way across generations. The youngest take it up willingly, their elders, who came into the world in the 1950s, like Gisèle Pelicot, remain relatively silent. Nothing surprising for the founder of the Feminist Collective Against Rape, Emmanuelle Piet. “Older people tend to endure violence longer before understanding what they are experiencing. Perhaps the media coverage of this affair will allow them to think about it for themselves. » At the age of 66, Chantal admits: “In the media, it is mainly about young victims. As a result, my generation does not often question their experiences. » And Rose-Marie, 79 years old, slips: “I know, however, that this abuse exists within old couples. »

Chantal, Rose-Marie and many other baby boomer girls grew up between the taboo around sexuality and the fear of pregnancy outside of marriage; between marital duty, access to contraception and decriminalization of abortion. “In my youth, it seemed normal for a man to be enterprising. If he groped us, it was hard to say no. It was like that, and obviously, he was not asking for our agreement. However, there was no feeling of being attacked all the time,” recalls Rose-Marie, who finds current positions often excessive.

Positive impacts

Beyond their personal experience and feelings, these women took stock of the doctors’ blindness and their “lack of vigilance regarding Gisèle Pelicot”, as Chantal notes. In the minds of health professionals – but not only – the idea persists that rape is not a matter of domination but of desire, which is only satisfied with young women. The reading of the symptoms that Gisèle Pelicot presented could only be biased. “This story is so incredible that the doctors did not see what there was to see,” summarizes psychiatrist Sylvie Wieviorka1. These wives, mothers and grandmothers also express their shock at the scale of the crimes perpetrated. “Such a large number of men (72 spotted on the videos), rapes (200 recorded), over such a period of time, with a husband, otherwise pleasant to live with, as the instigator, I did not imagine this possible,” recognizes Eve2, 76 years old. Gisèle Pelicot herself confessed it on the stand, addressing her ex-spouse: “I don’t understand how you could betray me to this extent. » In the privacy of couples, the legal recognition of rape between spouses, in 1990, had hardly moved the lines, underlines Sylvie Wieviorka, who has nevertheless seen the emergence in forty years of practice of better recognition of violence committed Women’s. For Chantal, this trial is already an important moment. “Thanks to Gisèle Pelicot, we approach this subject among friends of the same age. There will be other positive impacts. »

Expected developments

For now, the sixty-year-old, like Rose-Marie or Marie, 78, talks about it with her friends. Not really with their daughters, their granddaughters or their husbands. “Like me, my husband is following the affair on TV, but it’s as if he’s moving on to something else,” confides Marie, who has not brought this subject further to the table.

“All married life is based on a certain degree of trust. Wondering about the man who shares her life, the father of her children, wondering if he could be capable of such horrors, is dizzying,” analyzes Sylvie Wieviorka. Eve hopes for concrete results from these more than three months of hearings. “Talking about it among ourselves is important, but it will not be enough. This trial must mark a turning point within the judicial system and in the way we educate young people on these issues. » The psychiatrist also oscillates between lucidity and hope: “We are experiencing a tipping point regarding consent. But what happens in society will not produce miracles within couples overnight. » Doctors will undoubtedly be more aware of chemical submission and more attentive. From the ruins of Gisèle Pelicot’s past, better listening to women will perhaps be born. Of all women.