between solitude, precariousness and search for fraternity

“We will have spent two years together. For some, it was too long; for others, I hope the most numerous, it will have been too short.” The zest of humor veils a touch of bitterness in the word of thanks from Father Henri de Kersabiec, when leaving the Angevin parish where he served as vicar.

Off the microphone, the priest points out the precariousness of vicars, easily moved from one parish to another: “It becomes difficult to establish deep bonds of pastoral friendship with parishioners. The priest risks being perceived only as an ephemeral provider of worship”, and no longer as a “brother among his brothers”, as the Second Vatican Council recommends (Presbyterorum ordinis – Decree on the ministry and life of priests, § 9).

Low social recognition

The clerics, fewer in number, carry a greater workload; they benefit from low social recognition, and their health can suffer, according to a major survey carried out in 2020.

The fraternal support, even friendly, that they can hope for in the communities where they are sent on mission (for a period of six years on average), is all the more crucial. It is invented according to situations and personalities. How ? In what forms?

Share the table

In the best case, it is immediate, as Nathalie (1), 58 years old, did spontaneously. A woman of action, she offered the new priest of her Parisian parish “a helping hand to help him transport his boxes” after his first mass. In a parish on the banks of the Loire, it was the pastoral animation team who tasked Pascal, 55, with making contact with the new priest. “I invited him for a first lunch without ceremony, which we repeated. We are interested in what he experiences. One day, during one of these meals, he participated in family prayer with our children, with moist eyes.”

Sharing a table is the ideal place for hospitality. Christians are supposed to know this, they whose worship is based on the celebration of the Eucharistic meal. But, beyond the essential shared picnic at the start of the parish, the invitations to the home allow a more personal connection to be established, signified by the open door and the food offered. They lead to freer conversations. Single, Nathalie adapts. If she invites her home, it is in the company of a third person. Otherwise, it’s at the restaurant. And she knows the price of other little touches: “I can send an SMS for a birthday, that’s nice.”

In practice, receiving the parish pastor requires a little flexibility. “On Sundays, priests may have to celebrate a baptism after masses. and not be available until early afternoon. An invitation during the week may suit them better, advises Hina Lefrançois, co-founder with her husband Olivier of La maison Barnabé (2), which welcomes burned-out priests. Entertain with simplicity. And don’t be surprised if your invitation is refused. Most priests serve communities that are larger than before and which are, in rural areas, scattered. Their availability will therefore perhaps be less.”

80% of foreign priests come from Africa

Priests coming from abroad for a mission in French dioceses, in increasing numbers, represent approximately 30% of the clergy in parishes; 80% of them come from the African continent. The cultural shock they may experience upon arrival justifies a special welcome. Being received by parishioners allows for a reciprocal discovery of each other’s very different cultures. “In Africa, it is rare that we are invited into families,” observes Jean-Charles Demelle, ex-missionary in Gabon. But the priests meet dozens of people at the presbytery every day.”

Father Albert, who arrived in the diocese of Luçon from Benin in 2024, was received “with great care”: “My path has been marked by warm welcomes,” he says, referring to fraternal meals between priests, or among lay people.

Priests sometimes mistreated

The latter even provided him with warm clothes, and one of them, a former driving school instructor, taught him the principles of Western driving in order to avoid mishaps. Although he now appreciates fries, the young abbot nevertheless continues to cook “African style”, for variety.

Things don’t always go so well. A priest who came from Africa to serve in a diocese in Île-de-France was told by telephone at the airport the public transport to reach his new parish. Worse, relations between a pastor and his flock can turn sour. “Many of the priests I accompanied suffered from cabals, jealousy, people taking power,” confides a priest from the south of France.

Before developing the extreme case of a priest rejected by his community: “His predecessor, in conflict with the bishop who had displaced him, had given him a bad reputation.” For months, the parish secretary had to protect the unfortunate man by destroying the belligerent letters arriving at the presbytery. The bishop finally transferred the mistreated priest.

Friendships on a case-by-case basis

The integration of a pastor into his parish community can take very different forms depending on the people present. Anne-Marie, for several years secretary of a pastoral sector in a diocese in the greater Paris suburbs, met a first priest who became a friend. “He came to our house for dinner thousands of times. He didn’t hesitate to ask if he could stop by on a Sunday; he confided, had very varied topics of conversation, and sometimes stayed the afternoon,” she remembers. Her successor, also appreciated in the parish, “lives a bit like a monk,” she observes.

Expectations regarding fraternity are not expressed in the same way depending on the personality. That of Nathalie, direct and caring, discreet too, generates trust: “One day, one of the priests of the team who had been there for six months called me. It wasn’t usual. “I wanted to ask you something a little personal… – Yes, no problem. – Would you accompany me to choose glasses?… it’s complicated.” I didn’t hesitate for two seconds.” At the optician, she manages to tell the saleswoman that the gentleman (who is wearing a cross) is a priest. And she approved of him in his choice of a colored frame. With complete simplicity.

A question of distance

Father de Kersabiec sees things differently: For me, friendship with parishioners must remain formal, so as not to create possible ambiguities or be invasive. This does not go beyond the stage of group meals or leisure activities. The priest must know how to stay in his place. The tragedies that the Church has experienced in recent years have convinced me that the special status of the priest vis-à-vis the faithful creates more duties of prudence than opportunities to create intimate bonds.”

What do we call intimate bonds? Perhaps those who can exist when, like Pascal, we allow ourselves to receive priests “without putting them on a pedestal”. Thus, one of them was able to freely confide to him his distress upon learning of the suicide of a colleague, and his questions when the diocese was shaken by cases of sexual violence. Another priest friend of Pascal, who had refused to be confirmation godfather of one of his children, “to avoid having special ties with someone”, one day told him that he was asking questions about his ministry. Pascal and his wife listened to him express his discomfort, and encouraged him to pray and discern. “We told him we could understand. He left the ministry. And he remains our friend.”

“I must step aside to make way for Christ”

Sixty years after the Second Vatican Council, Catholic priests are searching for their style. The oldest generally adopted a spirituality of human “leaven in the dough” (Mt 13:33) , discreet witnesses to the Gospel, firstly fraternal. For several decades, in a context of de-Christianization of society, many young priests have, on the contrary, displayed their priestly identity as something set apart from other baptized people.

Father Raphaël, 34, priest of the diocese of Montpellier (Hérault), chose to wear the cassock: “Everyone recognizes me and knows that I am available as a priest. I am close to people,” he explains. The young priest can count on the support of a group of priest friends. And the parishioners? “Friendship presupposes reciprocity. As a priest, I am a father, and the parishioners do not belong to me. I must step aside to make way for Christ, without either being a bear or falling into clericalism.”

“People’s feedback does more good than gifts”

With around thirty years of parish ministry, another priest interviewed for this investigation offers humble advice: “It happens that the mission weighs heavily; to have the impression of “rowing”, of not having given enough. We are human, we need to feel that something is happening. And then when we leave this mission, we receive gifts, thanks. People’s feedback does more good than gifts. And you don’t have to wait until the end to do them.”

(1) His first name has been changed.

(2) lamaisonbarnabe.org