Unimaginable beauty
Rereading my story, it appears to me that the memorable night when I shifted to faith was planned a long time ago. Baptized as a baby in a non-practicing family, I loved my first year of school, led by a wonderful nun. The second year, I didn't see the point in making my communion. The friends' argument (“You'll get gifts”) even disgusted me. Then, when I was a laboratory assistant at the hospital, a young woman who came to have professional experience before becoming a nun left me with good memories. I also happened to sit in a church during a walk. Looking back, I understand that I came close to the abyss at that time, as if protected despite bad encounters.
It was then that I met my future husband in a dance club. A practicing Catholic. The birth of our first child suddenly shook me out of my carefree state. Plunged into disarray, even. This little being so dependent on me! The call of this incredible love burdened me with a heavy responsibility. What if he died? I would die too. I had to get help to keep these dark thoughts away. Two more children were born to us. Private school ? public? Standing on our respective positions, we cut the pear in two. I was exhausted running from one school to another, but in private I met nice Catholics beyond what I imagined. Finally, that famous night.
During a vacation with my in-laws in 2003, one evening, everyone went to the Easter vigil. Left alone, I open a book left on the living room coffee table: Stronger than hatred, by Tim Guénard*. The others return from the vigil. I always read. We're sleeping. Next to my sleeping husband, I cannot put down these burning pages, gripped by the story of this man, a beaten, abandoned, violent child, converted to people with mental disabilities. My tears soak my pillow. On Easter morning, I am a believer, dazzled by the unimaginable beauty of the world seen in the light of faith.
With regard to my children, this shift has freed me from a weight: I am not solely responsible for their happiness. We are accompanied.
* Ed. Presses de la Renaissance, 1999. In December 2021, Tim (Philippe) Guénard was indicted for rape of an adult woman.
