a beautiful Christian tradition not always understood

Myriam Conquet, a 62-year-old retired professor, remembers. When she was little, her family always shared Christmas cake with an elderly neighbor or a single person, alone for the holidays. It was after mass on December 24, in his village in Lot. “I forgot this tradition a little while growing up,” says Myriam. Until the day my daughters offered to invite several young people who couldn’t spend Christmas with their family. » A few years ago, as December 24 approached, Quentin, 20 years old and an apprentice pastry chef, found himself invited to the table of Myriam’s family, in the Paris region.

The opportunity for the young man, very urban, to discover traditions of which he had no idea. “We come from a family of farmers, we prepare the turkey ourselves,” explains his hostess with a mischievous smile. Quentin turned white when he saw that we had to kill the turkey, pluck it, and carve it, the old-fashioned way! » The experience did not traumatize Quentin. Seven years later, the apprentice pastry chef became Myriam’s son-in-law.

Like the Conquets, many families invite an isolated person to celebrate Christmas each year. A public interest initiative, in our society where loneliness seems to have become the new “evil of the century”. According to a survey carried out by the Research Center for the study and observation of living conditions in 2023, 12% of those over 18 live in relational isolation and have only “a few contacts during the year” with their entourage. Or 6.5 million people in France.

For these isolated French people, the feeling of loneliness increases during the holiday period. This is demonstrated by the figures from the SOS Amitié federation. Its telephone support service intended for people in distress recorded 14% of new callers in December 2023. A proportion twice as large as the other months of the year. “According to our calls, many people are alone at Christmas due to the geographical breakdown of families,” notes Catherine Krebs, listener for SOS Amitié. We also live in a fairly urban society, where places of sociability are concentrated more in the city. This distribution contributes to isolating part of the population in rural areas, particularly the elderly. »

A Christian custom

A situation that Roger Guerlet, a 66-year-old retiree, sees on a daily basis in his village nestled in the heart of the Pyrenees mountains. Every Christmas, this former town hall employee welcomes elderly people living alone, sometimes in very precarious circumstances, around his town to the family table. “For me, it’s quite natural, because I grew up with a very welcoming grandfather,” he says. We were quite poor, living in a house without heat or electricity, but we always invited a neighbor without family over for Christmas. At that time, in the 1960s, village life was more communal, and there were more social ties. »

Roger belongs to the last generations who experienced the tradition of “the poor man’s place”. This old Christian custom, originating from the Middle Ages, continued in the peasant and rural world until the middle of the 20th century. It consisted of leaving a place free for an unexpected guest, such as a stranger, a traveler or a person in need.

From the Trente Glorieuses, the historic tradition of peasant Christmas, charitable and simple, gave way to new symbols. In our secularized society, Christmas is now a date centered around the family and the child. “The arrival of the fifth week of vacation, in 1981, established the period of December 25 as a break time where we get together with loved ones,” explains CNRS sociologist Jean Viard. The celebration has become a family rite which places the child at the center, with all a playful decorum: Santa Claus, gifts galore, garlands… Elderly people and those who do not have children can therefore feel excluded from this social codification. »

The true meaning of celebration

Difficult, therefore, to open your door to a stranger, at a time when the Christmas celebration becomes a private affair, restricted to the domestic space. One New Year’s Eve, Élodie Gérard, 56, a teacher in Puy-en-Velay (Haute-Loire), decides to shake up her habits by inviting two young migrants to dinner. Originally from Guinea, Amadou and Fode (1) are then waiting for their work permit and do not have a host family. “When I announced to my loved ones that I was inviting two young people to Christmas dinner, the children were perplexed,” recalls Élodie. Some cousins ​​were even a little recalcitrant, because they had a lot of prejudices about migrants. But New Year’s Eve completely changed the situation. The whole family loved this meeting and the children formed real bonds with Amadou and Fode. They are still in touch today. »

Five years later, Élodie nevertheless recognizes that the experience is not so obvious. Her children have grown up and now come accompanied by their spouses to the Christmas table. Should she force her sons-in-law and daughters-in-law to have dinner with a stranger? “I thought about it and think so,” concludes the teacher. It’s upsetting to invite someone you don’t know well to a big family gathering, but it’s also interesting to think about the meaning you want to give to this celebration. Christmas is a ritual of passage towards a new year, new experiences, new encounters… It’s the complete opposite of withdrawing into oneself! »

(1) Both first names have been changed.