My Ariane wire

I am the fourth of a siblings of eight sisters and brothers. We were not unhappy. However, my father’s severity was excessive, especially with regard to me. I received disproportionate scoring. I had to be 6 or 7 years old, when, after yet another correction, seated against a wall of the house, I cried abundantly. Suddenly, I heard my ear whisper: “Don’t cry, you are passing through this family. There was no one. I stopped crying, finding a consolation there. Now, an immeasurable force lived in me.

It was from this moment that I started to read in an intense way. I read everything that fell on hand: books taken from the district library, advertisements, newspapers, magazines. When the blows were raining, I repeated myself: “I will leave one day. The year in which the majority at 18 was decreed, I took off. On the day of my departure from the house, my father struck me again. He died a few months later.

Clearling questions have abused several decades of my existence. Why was my father fighting me? Why did my mother let her do it, except once or twice where she tried to defend? Why didn’t my brothers and sisters intervene? My life as a woman was chaotic. I found myself a single mother twice … When I could, I was looking for the silence of the churches or other places of worship. In front of the cross, I asked: “Why?” Why? And I noted my answers. I read. I wrote. I became a journalist: the most beautiful job in the world.

Once retired, when I reread the thousand and one stories that I had written in multiple notebooks, an already highlighted sentence allowed me to make a link with the strange experience lived in my childhood. I had noted: “God whispered to me:” Be superior by your love. I am everywhere. In the heart of a executioner, a judge, a witness, an accuser, a victim. ”” This word saved me.

I should not try to attribute my sufferings to my father or my loved ones. In the silence of my collection, God, the last refuge to which I had turned, had given me an answer. Reading and writing allowed me to recognize the Ariane thread of my life, to get out of the labyrinth where I was locked up.