these parents testify to their fight for adoption
Marie and Thibaut, 36 and 41 years old, Cachan (Val-de-Marne): “Our luck is immense”
“As soon as we prepared for marriage in 2019, we thought about what would happen if we were unable to have children. How to be a family in such a situation? Both were open to adoption, including children with disabilities. Faced with infertility, we launched in 2022. Naively, we thought we would welcome “whoever wanted”. The department’s services invited us to refine our project, since it was about bringing together a particular child with a particular desire. The numerous interviews are trying: we are afraid of being judged, or misunderstood. But ultimately, it was because we recounted our trials and our difficulties that we were considered capable of adopting.
Three months after receiving our approval, we were called. Diane, a little girl with Down syndrome, a few months old, was waiting for us. We were told her story, who she was. We met her and then welcomed her into our home. We have never smiled so much since she was here. A few months later, we miraculously welcomed naturally born Bosco. Our luck is immense! »
Charlotte and Gabriel, 41 and 43 years old, Nantes (Loire-Atlantique): “The path is beautiful”
“Married in 2011, we always wanted to have children. After a few months, seeing our difficulties, we began a medical course, without success. Acceptance of this reality happened in stages, each at our own pace. The choice of adoption too: we did not want to see it as a medicine, a palliative. When we understood that we could also adopt in France, a child who looks like us, close to us, a door opened. The journey towards accreditation is trying: the questions of social services, very intimate, shake us up, scratch us. They want to understand who we are, which requires looking at our flaws, our limits.
We must agree to let go, admit that they are not there to put obstacles in our way. It’s a fact: despite the frustration, the anger sometimes, this journey has made us progress a lot. Time allows us to mature, to question the meaning and contours of our approach. It is also a path of humility: when we started, we were certain that we were very capable. We quickly understood that we were not more expected nor deserving than the other candidates. Today, despite the wait, we are at peace. Whatever the outcome, the path is beautiful, and we have our place on it. »
Valérie and Jean-Philippe, 49 years old, Rhône: “A journey that has become a tunnel”
“After the failure of a medical course, we turned to adoption in 2015 with great hope. We contacted the Philippines, which announced a three-year wait. All the couples around us were achieving it, so why not us? But this journey became a ten-year, crucifying tunnel. In the Philippines, there were various factors that allowed domestic adoption to flourish, but the authorities never really told us. They pushed us to open ourselves to different particularities, and an ever-increasing age, while maintaining hope. It was only last year that we understood, without being told, that the chances of success were almost zero.
On the French side, we felt neglected by the associations, where frequent changes of personnel make the follow-up of files chaotic. We leave this path disappointed. From now on, we begin to grieve: we prepare to grow old without children. Previously, we couldn’t stand being told that our fertility might lie elsewhere. Now we are thinking about it. »
